in which there is some lamentation, but also some gratitude
as i come closer to the so-called middle age, turning 33 in a little under a month, there are certain aspects of my personality that i’ve come to accept as having very little chance of changing. among them, i am by nature shy and an introvert.
from my earliest memories to everything older family members have told me, it seems like it’s always just been this way. at family gatherings as a youth, i’d always want to go to a quiet place and draw, and just be with my imagination. to this day, i’d much rather be by myself or with a select few than mingling at a party or a bar among strangers. it’s probably why i have so much trouble meeting new people. it’s also why i do prefer email and instant messenger. in person i can be inadvertently awkward, but in the written word i know i can be articulate.
the reason i bring this up is that sometime in the future i’m planning to move to a different city & state, and that actually kind of energizes me. for whatever reason, i’ve never quite been able to thrive in my hometown. quick example story: about 8 years ago i spent time travelling abroad by myself in australia & new zealand, and lived for about 3 months in sydney. the place i ended up living in was a house full of other travellers (all complete strangers), about 12 of us in total. the day i moved in i had gotten my tongue pierced and it was almost impossible to talk. coupled with the fact that i am shy & introverted, i should have pretty much been a loner in the house for all my days there. but to my surprise it was quite the opposite: i was liked, gregarious, and had a blast meeting new people. i’m still in contact with friends i met then.
on my own, i guess i’m forced to put myself out there. but back “home” amongst family and old friends with whom i have a long history with, i suppose i don’t feel i need to really flex my social muscles much. perhaps i just need to meet strangers in my home town. i love my family and friends, but i’ve come to realize the truth that maybe only on my own i “dance like no one’s watching”.
it’s hard being shy and introverted in a world where aggression is rewarded and extroversion is the rule of the day. but most times i’m glad i am who i am, content to be left for hours on end by myself or with just a couple of people i know well.
to tell you the truth, i’m glad i can find the silliness in physically cringing when extroverts do their thing so loudly (to my eyes & ears) and broadcast their need for attention.
