No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other.
05/19/2009
05/11/2009
single serving review: star trek
pew pew pew! that’s the sound of phasers hitting my heart. part of what made me the geek i am today is gathering in front of a childhood best friend’s tiny family television and watching old star trek vhs movies on sleepovers; but that’s about the extent of my trekkie-ness (or trekker-ness, if you prefer). as far as this year’s movie goes though, the good news is you don’t need memories or a viewing experience like that to enjoy j.j. abrams’ star trek.
the embodiment of a summer popcorn flick, star trek has it all: action, comedy, impressive (and practical - as in serving the story and not just there for their own sake) special effects. abrams nails the look and feel of the star trek universe while simultaneously updating both, and ultimately gives the impression of already planning out the enterprise crew’s story well in advance (which is no surprise given the heavy involvement of lost talent). however, this does reveal one of its very few flaws: there are several verbal and visual winks and nods that the unfamiliar viewer may not get, thereby reducing (or in some cases eliminating) an intended comedic or dramatic effect.
the plot itself is the movie’s biggest weakness and is ultimately forgettable, although in a story where the core function is setting up the whos, hows, and whys of the main crew ending up on the ship, it’s a forgivable one. it is interesting enough to keep the movie’s pace going as well as give ample “intro” time to each of the saga’s primary members. the ship’s crew as a whole is splendidly well-cast: chris pine’s cocky kirk, zachary quinto’s conflicted half-human/half-vulcan spock. karl urban’s mccoy steals the show though; here kirk and spock share little with their previous portrayals but urban’s near spot-on imitation of deforest kelley’s verbal inflections provide humor and recognition to great effect. the movie’s comedic relief provided by simon pegg’s mr. scott and anton yelchin’s chekov are counterbalanced by john cho’s skilled sulu and zoe saldana’s intelligent uhuru, although i wouldn’t be surprised if abrams and co. mix it up a bit in coming sequels; all are redeemed by a glimmer and promise of opposite disposition in their character.
despite some heavy retconning to scrutinous eyes, by the end of the movie viewers old and new should be well-prepared and clamoring for the further adventures of this incarnation’s inevitable sequels. by the end of the movie, i was immediately ready to watch star trek all over again.
4.5/5 nacelles
05/02/2009
Crowds of men are like crowds of sheep. Not the best, but the first leader is usually followed.
Max Brand
04/27/2009
top 4 ways to avoid the swine flu
“yea, and verily did the pig god say unto his pen that the lovers of the bacon and the rind will be struck down for their unnatural appetite, and so the hairless monkeys were smoted.”
1. avoid items of heavy traffic
limit your chances of exposure by reducing your contact with items that flu-infected humans have already touched: phones, keyboards, doorknobs. in fact, it’s probably better just to give them all up completely. insist on entering buildings using only windows. laugh at those fools exchanging germs; you’ll get the added benefit of physical exercise.
2. wash your hands early and often
once on your person, the virus usually finds its way in from your hands to your eyes, nose, or mouth. cut down the chances of transference by thorougly washing your hands with soap and warm water at every opportunity. don’t have access to soap and warm water? any standing water will do, as long as you concentrate hard enough and really scrub. it may also help to pick up obsessive-compulsive disorder.
3. cover your sneezes
seriously, you sick bastard, no one wants to be on the receiving end of your 100 mph snot rocket launch. sleeves were invented for a reason.
4. stay home if you get sick
no, really. get this - doctors everywhere are encouraging you to take yourself out of society while you’re infected so as not to continue to spread the virus. feelin a little sore? take the week off! did you just sneeze? report to the barracks, soldier, you’ve got some rack time comin your way! it’s never been easier to duck out on that meeting. and if by some chance the economy doesn’t plunge further into chaos by so many of the workforce being out of commission AND civilization isn’t reduced to small, healthy pockets fighting over a box of cheez-its in the post-apocalyptic wasteland, your paperwork will still be there to do just as soon as this whole thing blows over.
04/27/2009
04/23/2009
single serving review: the wrestler
close your eyes for a second and try to think of the sorest your muscles have ever been. an epic bike ride, a long run, a tough workout, whatever. you were pretty sore, right? now multiply that times a crapload and i imagine that’s what every day feels like for the movie’s titular character, randy “the ram” robinson (played magnificently by mickey o’rourke), an amalgam of bespandexed real-world 80s pro wrestlers. broken and beaten with his heydey long gone, the movie follows randy as he faces the choices he’s made both professionally and personally over the course of his life.
this movie deserves all the awards and accolades bestowed upon it: the cast and crew as well as the camera work are all top shelf. although the raw and graphic violence is sometimes hard to watch, the touching and genuinely funny scenes really counterbalance that weight.
my only (very minor) complaint is that there were a couple of overused clichés in the story that i could have done without, but other than that it’s hard to find any glaring faults in this great movie.
4.5/5 hearing aids
